In the beginning, when the pain of the betrayal was still fresh and constantly on my mind, I said something to my husband that deeply wounded him. He was trying to help me better understand his addiction and was telling me that not ALL the memories of our life together are bad. That there were things in our marriage that had been good... our wedding day, the birth of our children, moving into our new house, etc. And I looked him in the eyes, with tears streaming down my face, and said that when I think about the past, all I can see is what he did. Nothing is good anymore. That hurt him. The next day the Holy Spirit prompted me to write him a letter telling him anything I could remember "That was good" from our relationship. In just a few short minutes, I was able to come up with 82 concrete memories that were not tarnished by his betrayal. Things like "the day we were cleaning our new apartment, no furniture yet. We ate Chinese food and fell asleep together on the floor... that was good." Or like "the day you sang 'we're going to have a baby!' when we found out we were pregnant with our first child... that was good. Or how about "the times when I got afraid at night and you prayed for me and held me close... that was good." I have so many good memories of my relationship with my husband that have nothing to do with his sin. And as he read the letter, he began to weep. He told me how much it meant to him to know that there was good times. Looking back, I can see how important it is for a man to have hope. The guilt and shame that accompany repentance of sexual sin can be consuming. And a man needs hope that his wife can forgive him, that she can remember there was good among all the bad. That was a very tender time for my husband and I, something neither of us will ever forget.
Walking in Freedom,